ON
December 25, 2010, a 42-year-old woman in Britain posted a suicide note on
a well-known social networking site. Her message sounded like a desperate plea
for attention. Although the woman had more than a thousand social network
“friends” online, not one came to her aid. The police found her body a day
later. She had taken a fatal overdose.
WHAT MAKES
A GOOD FRIEND?
Today, modern technology allows us
to make hundreds, or even thousands, of social network “friends” by merely
adding their names to our list of computer contacts. And when we wish to end
one of these “friendships,” we simply delete that person’s name from our list.
However, the tragic incident involving the woman in Britain underscores a
startling reality—true friendship still eludes many. In fact, one recent survey
revealed that although we are socializing more, the number of our truly close
friends has decreased.
Like most people, you probably agree
that good friends are important. You may also recognize that there is more to
being a friend than simply clicking links on a computer screen or a smartphone.
What do you look for in a friend? How can you be a good friend? What does it
take to forge a lasting friendship?
Consider the following four guiding principles,
and note how the Bible’s practical advice can help you to be the kind of person
others would want as a friend.
1.
SHOW THAT YOU REALLY CARE
True friendship involves commitment.
In other words, a good friend feels a responsibility toward you, and he really cares
about you. Of course, such commitment is two-way, and it requires hard work and
sacrifice on both sides. But the rewards are worth the effort. Ask yourself,
‘Am I willing to give of myself, my time, and my resources for my friend?’
Remember, to have a good friend, you first need to be a good friend.
True friendship involves commitment.
In other words, a good friend feels a responsibility toward you, and he really cares
about you. Of course, such commitment is two-way, and it requires hard work and
sacrifice on both sides. But the rewards are worth the effort. Ask yourself,
‘Am I willing to give of myself, my time, and my resources for my friend?’
Remember, to have a good friend, you first need to be a good friend.
What
People Look For In A Friend
IRENE: “Like cultivating a beautiful garden, building a friendship
requires a lot of time and care. Start by wanting to be a good friend yourself.
Be generous in showing affection and personal interest. And be willing to
sacrifice your time when you are needed.”
LUIS ALFONSO: “Modern-day society encourages egotism rather than altruism.
So it means a lot when someone takes a sincere interest in you without
necessarily expecting anything in return.”
What
does the bible say?
“Just as you want men to do to you, do the same
way to them. Practice giving, and people will give to you.” (Luke 6:31, 38) Here Jesus
recommends true unselfishness and generosity. Such generosity nurtures good
friendships. If you expend yourself in behalf of your friends without expecting
anything in return, they will naturally feel drawn to you.
2.
BE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR
A true friendship cannot flourish
without regular communication. So talk together about the interests you share.
Listen to what your friend has to say, and respect his opinions. Whenever
possible, commend and encourage him. At times, a friend may need advice or even
correction, and that may not always be easy to give. However, a loyal friend
will have the courage to point out a serious fault and offer tactful guidance.
What
People Look For In A Friend
JUAN: “A true friend should be able to express his opinions freely
but not get upset if you don’t agree.”
EUNICE: “What I value most are friends who are willing to spend time
with me and listen to me, especially when I have problems.”
SILVINA: “True friends will tell you the truth—even if they know it
will hurt—because they have your best interests at heart.”
What
does the bible say?
“Everyone must be quick to listen,
slow to speak, slow to anger.” (James 1:19) Good friends
always appreciate a listening ear. Monopolizing the conversation, however,
conveys the message that we feel our opinions are more important than theirs.
So be attentive when a friend wishes to share his innermost thoughts and
concerns. And do not get offended if he is honest with you. “The wounds
inflicted by a friend are faithful,” says Proverbs 27:6.
3.
HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
The closer we get to a friend, the
more likely we are to see his flaws. Our friends are not perfect, but neither
are we. Therefore, we should never expect or demand perfection from the people
we befriend. Rather, it is good to cherish their virtues and to make allowances
for their mistakes.
What
People Look For In A Friend
SAMUEL: “We often have higher expectations of others than we have of
ourselves. If we recognize our own mistakes and our own need for forgiveness,
then we’re more willing to forgive others.”
DANIEL: “Accept the fact that your friends will make mistakes. When
problems arise, we do well to resolve them quickly and try hard to forget.”
What
does the bible say?
“We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in
word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body.” (
James 3:2)
Recognizing this simple truth can help us to be understanding toward our
friends. That, in turn, will allow us to overlook minor faults and shortcomings
that may irritate us. The Bible says:
“Continue putting up with one another
and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint
against another. . . . But besides all these things, clothe
yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union.”—
Colossians
3:13, 14.
4. WIDEN YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
True, we need to be selective about the people we befriend.
But that does not mean narrowing our choice of friends to those of a certain
age or upbringing. Taking an interest in people of all ages, cultural
backgrounds, and nationalities can truly enrich our lives.
What People Look For In A Friend
UNAI: “Making friends with only those who
are your age and have the same tastes as you is like wearing clothing in your
favorite color all the time. No matter how much you like that color, at some
point you may end up getting bored with it.”
FUNKE: “Widening my circle of friends has
given me the opportunity to mature as a person. I’ve learned to get along with
people of all ages and backgrounds, and that has made me more outgoing and
adaptable. And my friends really appreciate that.”
What does the bible say?
“So in response—I speak as to my children—you
too open your hearts wide.” (
2 Corinthians
6:13) The Bible encourages us to reach out to people of all kinds. This
inclusive, impartial view of friendship can add variety to your life, as well
as endear you to others.
Extract from Awake June-2014
